Fortunately for the troubled residents of Paradise Place, Phil, like most Australian’s is a friendly spork salesman , which is just what the town needs.
Phil has seen a kafuffle going on in the town square and just approached Wes, Jules, Leon, Davis and Stee.
W, J, D, L & S: Alriiight? Innit.
Phil opens his brief case and takes out a small box.
Phil: Mate, mate, mate and matette, in this here box I have a great and good thing. It’s fabulous. Think of the two greatest things in the world - yes you may well be thinking "mullet? “children’s television entertainer?" and you would of course be wrong. Pat Sharpe couldn‘t make it.
Wes: top o’ the morning tey yee, what is it? A spoon? A fork?
Phil: Too right mate! Have you guessed what it is yet? What could be better than something that incorporates both of these? Nothing! It has the best part of the fork, and the best part of a spoon.
Phil shows them the spork
Davis: My dear fellow, I bid you farewell, for I know that you could not eat caviar yoghurt from that contraption without it spilling through the prongs.
Davis, stage exit left.
*the gang hear a loud sound in the distance, boom, boom, boom*
Jules: Uh oh…
Emma: EEEEEEAR ANIEE OV YOUZ FELAZ WANAH SHGAG MEEEEEEE????????? IM WEL ‘ARD AINT EYE. SEEDEES AND CETCHUP!
*conviently, what with the arrival of a real life Australian, the gang have all forgotten that Emma was standing next to them a second ago*
Phil: tie the kangerhugewoman down, sport! Back in the old country we don’t have hogs like that around.
Phil: Luckily for us, not only is this spork a fork, and a spoon [and possibly even a knife] it’s also a powerful and dangerous utensil!
*Phil stabs Emma in the throat with the spork, black liquid sprays over the gang*
Emma: Ohhh -- you cursed brat! Look what you've done! I'm melting! Melting! Oh -- what a world -- what a world! Who would have thought a good little boy like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness!? Ohhh! Look out! Look out! I'm going. Ohhhh! Ohhhhhh....
Phil, Jules, Wes, Stee, Leon, The Hamlins and Jom party all night. Even Davis returns from the Opera house, and Dizzee Rascal turns up after the Justin Timberlake gig and plays FIX UP LOOK SHARP. But not so far away the audience hear a voice cries.
“'il get yu my pretyz, und yor littl dawg, 2!”